Nan's still a little bit racist. Apparently, on the plane coming over 'all the chinks were wearing slippers'. Now, I know she is no neo-nazi - more like an aged sole who would have gotten away with such diatribe in the past, but the world - and what can and cannot be accepted vocally - has changed. I suppose the politically correct term for people hailing from the Far East would be 'orientals', but I cannot see my nan using that collective noun.

Frivolity aside, I am going to miss them both. The past 18 days have flown by and they are now back in Blighty (they left these shores on Saturday 18th). For the duration of their stay I had been popping over their place or I would meet them beside the Opera House, always after a day at the office (which happens to be the same time when I appreciate a nap, so I was never full of beans). Nevertheless, I always enjoyed hearing the tales of their daily adventures. Furthermore, these stories were usually aided by a scooner or three. Now they have gone I am back in the boring routine of going home from work and doing little with my afternoons until Lysey returns from work. Like I said, I am definitely going to miss their company and I have been pestering them both (along with more members of the family) to fly out again and see me, but by the time they have saved up I do not know where in the world I will be. If I was a betting man (and I am; my Ladbrokes account is empty once more and I lost some money this weekend on the Caulfield Cup - a big meet in Melbourne) I would say New Zealand.

One perk of my current job is the fact that I can make endless amounts of personal phone calls, and for the past two weeks I have been milking it. (I could probably phone England if I so desire to give anyone an early morning wake up call.) On the very day they visited the zoo (16th) I was interested to hear if they had come across any unusual animals by English standards, but when I spoke to mother she informed me that they were in fact both browsing the farm section. Imagine my reaction: they come all this way to Australia and they were looking at chickens. I told them to go and see some crocs or a cassowary; the last time I checked neither were present in England.

I had also managed to find plenty to do with them at the weekends. Last Saturday (11th) the four of us, Lysey included, went to one of my favourite eateries - a Mexican in the heart of Sydney. Before leaving England I could never have envisaged the three of us sitting down over a Mexican, but I am a changed man. Nonetheless, the faces on both mum and nan were of a blank expression when they both glanced at the menu, but they both tried it, and to my knowledge they both enjoyed it. However, nan later confessed to having burnt her tongue on one of the various spicy dips on offer.

Furthermore, the following Sunday (12th) saw both mum and nan, along with myself, pay a visit to the Old Government House, located in the Botanical Gardens of Sydney. I have seldom ventured into that part of the world, but they both knew the area having explored it a few times previous. Therefore, they were showing me things in Sydney and I was happy to seek and learn. The Government House itself was interesting; it offered plenty of British history, and the grounds were stunning. Everything was beautifully maintained, from the gardens to the very room where Johnnie Howard hosted all the leaders of the Apec nations last year. 

That very night, Lysey had suggested we all stay in her hotel on Coogee, and considering I never tire of the Crown Plaza who was I to refuse? For a spring day it was still pushing 30 degrees and the sunset/sunrise that greeted us from our balcony overlooking the beach was stunning (we weren't all sharing a room if that's what you're thinking). Having breakfast at 6 am on the balcony was a great start to the working week and I look forward to doing it again sometime soon. More importantly, though, both mum and nan were extremely chuffed with the place. As it was their last weekend in Australia I was happy knowing that they both enjoyed themselves.

Fast forwarding seven days later to the day of their departure, the both rocked up to the airport vastly overweight (that's their luggage, not them personally), and I was well aware of this fact long before I lugged both cases onto the scales at Kingsford Smith. How did I know this? Because I had to carry their luggage down two flights of stairs en route to the airport. I didn't mind the exercise as after all I managed to carry them both to their room (although they seemed lighter going up). Anyway, they were facing the prospect of a hefty fine for being so overweight as for each kilo from Sydney to Seoul was to cost them $34 ($272), and from Seoul to London they were looking at $70 per kilo ($560, making a grand total of $832 between them, or 400 quid once roughly translated into stirling). Luckily, and I do not know how this worked out, they only received a fine of $210 between them (100 quid) for their eight extra kilos so it worked out well.

Anyway, moving on. Perhaps I should apologise for having the English of an illiterate moron as last week I know I managed to misspell notoriously and phenomenon. I feel I have a valid excuse, but before I plead my case I felt so dirty for having posted it knowing that it resembled the work of an eight year old: I was in an internet cafe at the time frantically making changes to my installment and my money was counting down. I soon realised I had a fair bit of editing to make, but I was beaten by the clock. I do realise that I could have put some more money in the machine, but that would have meant packing up my entire bag (has anyone got a harder life?) and breaking into a $50 note. Therefore, and considering my two biggest fans were waiting for me at the Opera House, I decided to post it, but I have felt dirty ever since.

Since their departure, I have been finding ways to keep busy. Luckily, Lysey is in the midst of a keep fit frenzy so she suggested we go rock climbing once more - some three months or so since our last visit. I was more than willing to get chalked up, however, but we both struggled. I maintain that rock climbing is 60% strategy and 40% strength; well, my strength hasn't diminished that much since my last attempts, but my technique has gone out the window. Like I said to Lysey at the time, I don't think I'll be making the next series of Gladiators. At the rock climbing centre they have a times wall, not to dissimilar to the one in size in the TV show, and it took me 132 seconds to get to the top. If I was to appear on the show I would need a ten minute head start, and not a lousy not a ten second one to get ahead of any preying Gladiator. (Shadow would have ate me for breakfast, but he was usually of his tits on coke).

Lysey has also been generating some extra income via eBay in the past few weeks, which is great for our forthcoming trip to Fiji. She has been left in charge of selling off all her nan's furniture (she has recently moved into an old persons home), and I have always escorted her when meeting the buyers, just in case one of them turned out to be a Norman Bates. Well, that very Saturday she was meeting a couple who had agreed to buy a side unit from her. Interestingly, they, or rather him (an old chap in his 50's who it seemed from his bleating had a history of a dodgy back) came rather under prepared for the piece. They were travelling in a tiny red car (that's the extent of my car knowledge) and they had no one to help remove the unit, which must have been 6"x6". Therefore, muggins here had to help out, and along the way I managed to pull up the carpet and break the hinge off the door. (The couple buying also managed to break the garden gate making Lysey more than animated.) As you can imagine, all this rigmarole ensured I was far from chuffed and it left Lysey fuming. The atmosphere between the four of us soon became fractious, but we eventually managed to get the unit into the car (we broke it down so half of it went on the roof). It's fair to say it was the most troublesome $30 she perhaps has ever made, but she gave me all the proceeds for my efforts. Once we ring up the damage I made to the property, however, I think I will be out of pocket.